Sonia Choquette, in her book “Travelling at the Speed of Love,” gives one reason we find it easy to slip into a victim role or nature. She says it’s because “We do not want to be fully accountable for our choices and actions in life.” That is a good reason for most, but I tend to try to take responsibility rather quickly. For me, what trips me up and slides me into victimhood is that I forget the lessons of that situation and fear that the other party involved in the victimizing situation is just gearing up for another round.

I think the latter part of the that realization comes from being bullied in school. How often do you find yourself facing a situation or watching a Television show where you say, “Oh, that’s so high school.” I’ve said that a few times in my life- and while watching TV (Real Housewives of Pickurpoison on Bravo.) It never really meant much to me until just now.

High school was not a great time for me. NONE of school was, really. Most of my life I’ve been bullied and I think the notions that have helped me with my current understanding come from these experiences. Especially now that there is so much talk about bullying and the effects it can have on people and how it can lead to suicide in the victims. So I hope that my relaying my ideas and understanding might help others in their situations.

When I was in school, I felt like I wouldn’t have to prepare so much for the important aspects of school so much as I did for the lashes I’d get from the other students. Eventually, I stopped hoping for the best and just got to planning for the worst.

The relevance of this experience to now is that I’m gearing up for a fight with people. I have brought some hope back into my life, but it gets sidetracked by the fear that, because certain people don’t like me- our next encounter can only come to blows (More verbally than anything, really. But still…)

I realize now that I’m looking at this coming event from a fear-based angle.

What I am learning with Science of Mind (SoM) is to look at the fear and/or the event that provokes it and find the love and wisdom that did or could come from the situation. A popular quote that floats about SOM and other New Though circles, attributed to Emma Curtis Hopkins, is “There is good here and I demand to see it.”

I’m looking ahead and wanting to Treat/pray for the best possible outcome but I keep trying to prepare for a fight- and that just seems to me to be counterproductive. Not only that but it puts me back in high school and it doesn’t show growth in myself or the other party.

My block of Victimhood is not remembering the lessons and growth that has come from a wrenching situation- and assuming a person who chose a moment of awkwardness to not like you is stuck in that moment, too.

I left high school at the end of the 11th grade to marry and move to Montreal, QC, Canada. The marriage lasted two years and I was back in Rhode Island. I soon decided to go for my GED. One time, I was stopped in the stairwell by one of the major instigators of bullying through my school life.

I was TERRIFIED. I never thought I would ever run into him again. There he was, smiling and telling me how sorry he was and that he had no idea how much of a jerk he was until WAY Later (When in the two and half years he figures “Way Later” to be, I may never know.)

I was just… I can’t describe it- but I could not move or speak. I felt my eyes stuck wide open. I’m sure I wanted to be the bigger person and say, “Yeah, man, it’s cool.” But I don’t think I got any words out. He apologized to me- and it was genuine. I didn’t know how to handle it.

I’m not sure I accepted it until just recently.

And therein lies my problem- I have only recently come to understand those lessons in my life. That I still find myself gearing up for the other person to want to whollop me with something and it’s only making me look like a turtle (My shoulders up to my hairline.) It takes away my ability to acknowledge the growth that is inherent in all people.

I’m forgetting how much I’ve grown from the wrenching experience, never mind the other person. Whatever their mindset and level, I’ve learned a lot from the experience- and I’m out to learn more by way of our next encounter.

I think it was Louise L. Hay in her “Totality of Possibilities” discourse that touches on how we are always given means by which to test our growth through situations that repeat in our lives. As we become more aware of our growth each time, it’s important to note, we catch ourselves more and more quickly from falling into the old patterns.

And that is where I am. Now that I have a basis of understanding my patterns- the bully victim, I can love that part of me and begin to release it. I can accept the growth from that element so when I start prepping for a situation out of fear, I can catch it faster and start to heal it, find the lessons in it and approach it with love.

Or, at least, more maturity.

Realizing where I’ve turned at Albuquerque into Victimhood, I can adjust my view of the upcoming encounter with the understanding that, just because they’ve chosen to not like me doesn’t mean they’re out to get me. They may have a broader perspective of events, as I do, and can move forward with greater understanding, wisdom and compassion.

One of us will! It might as well be me because I have no idea what’s going on with them.

So I choose to move away from preparing insults or defending my position and just seek the highest good and guidance throughout. I love that I have been lucky enough to come to this insight. Through these lessons, I accept myself completely, now and always. I hope this has helped you or given you more insight into situations related or similar to bullying- at any age and level in life. Thank you.

I guess my thing is that we’ve lost trust and faith in our leaders and, in many circles, have never had warm-fuzzies towards our defenders. I think that’s what all my confusion and uneasiness is all about. It’s just trickled down and been absorbed from various sources that… we’re all Big-Bad-And-Ugly with no real need to be.
We are free, there’s nothing we can’t handle and we can be seen as throwing our weight around. Can’t say that there’s NO Truth in these claims, but they are a bit simplistic.

Some of my family (uncles and cousins) as well as many of my friends and lovers, past and present, have been in the military and I just think my ignorance can adversely affect our relations. Part of this whole Science of Mind path I’ve undertaken, and the Law of Attraction, is about clarifying areas of confusion, releasing fear for love and replacing mistrust with faith.

I took yesterday to examine my beliefs in regards to our military, many have been- frankly- a bit skewed. I want to understand where my mistrust has come from and feel and show a greater respect and appreciation for America’s People of Defense Services- they are facing so many challenges, internally and externally, most of whom do so completely voluntarily. I think it’s just that there’s all so much controversy about who can serve and what the risks/benefits are and the recent Gulf wars being less than Hallal (or Kosher, if you prefer.)

Some may not understand, but All appreciate what you do!

And I’m having trouble with it.

You see, I made a big mistake; I misread people and situations that I put myself in- situations that I know something in me was trying to avoid, but, again, I didn’t listen. I said something that was inappropriate to a person who, up until that moment, had tried to be my friend, whom I thought had her own reasons to be my friend after a while.

It doesn’t matter her reasons for trying to be my friend or that they flew out the window when she learned that I had decided that Adam and I weren’t working out. Not sure it matters that she and I had discussed that the strain was just not right for a good, loving and healthy relationship- again, me being too extra-centered. THAT’S what mattered- I was taking in a bunch of things from outside myself. Okay, I had vented to this person that I was having it a bit more rough than originally intended with Adam and that I wanted to scale back, some, for everyones benefit.

I got so extra-centered, I agreed with Adam that we were breaking up rather than just slowing down. But, we talked about how we were feeling, that I felt I was taking things too seriously and that showed that I wasn’t in the right mindset for a relationship- so I guess I was breaking up with him…

But, after that mistake, it felt like everything was spiraling and I got really scared and felt very isolated. I quickly apologized, but that didn’t make it stop, there. And, when more people got involved, I started to flake something fierce.

I started to think that, because I made this big mistake- and so many people were getting in on it, that I was basically evil and not worthy of forgiveness, compassion or love- Not even my own.

That’s a pretty severe thing. But it means that you are looking outside for what you can get from within.

I can’t believe I didn’t realize, long ago, that nothing lasts forever. Friendships fade- whether its from a long-distance move (As I’m more accustomed to,) or if it’s just that kind of thing. It’s harder when you make a mistake, like I had, and the other person breaks things off with you. It’s hard, but it’s understandable.

And, actually, necessary for your growth and the peace of those around you.

But, even when it gets to the toilet swirl that this seemed to and involves more people than just the two of you or the particular group at the time, it doesn’t mean that you are inherently bad and unworthy. It means that you made a mistake, there are some unforeseen consequences (DUH!) and that this particular relationship- and those relating to it- have more than likely run their course.

Most nights, when I meditate, I recite the Metta Prayer: May I be happy, May I be Healthy, May I be safe and may I know peace; repeated for those around me- and again for myself! Jean Smith and Arinna Weisman (2002) have added a preamble to this beloved Buddhist prayer that I think is most appropriate:

It’s been a bit tricky to do, every night, but I’m getting more regular- this situation has put the fiber back into my spiritual diet, as it were.

It’s not bad to be a little extra-centered, we do it all the time- EVERYONE! But to have it so bad that you can’t even like yourself, that’s the perfect time to just take a rest from everyone else and get back to you. That’s what this prayer and Metta is all about- you first, those around you, back to you!

I’ve done it so bad where I felt so alone I just wanted to drink myself into a tree- and I’m a complete tee-totaler! And a rather bitchy drunk- unlike many of my friends who seem to be much better off by the gulp. I can’t drink much- so I don’t, generally, drink. It was then that I turned away, I accepted the lot of loosing some basically cool people in my life and turned it around. I listened to myself as much as I could and I came to a place that helped lift me up and let me let go.

Louise L. Hay, in her book “You Can Heal Your Life,” Suggests that many people just don’t like themselves. However, everyone is deserving of love- especially their own! As it’s done for MILLIONS, this book has changed my life immensely. I don’t think I’d have been able to handle this situation without it- and I bought it months before this stuff came even close to happening. So I’m looking at this situation as a time to get back to my own matters and interests. I’ve found a church that is very nice and comforting and welcoming. I’m still doing karaoke, but I’m scaling back to a more comfortable amount- twice a month rather than once a week. I might even get back to might writing!

As I wanted to say on my Facebook page (But I wussied out,)
I made a mad silly, this weekend, and lost a bunch of kewl pipples. But, Turning a frown upside-down as only I can: I’m not alone- I have more Me-time!

My old friend did me a huge solid! She might feel conflicted about that notion in that she doesn’t really like me- at least not anymore, but I hope she digs it! She shoved me out of her circle, she showed me who she really was- no less cool than she generally is! And she taught me, as she does, many very valuable lessons. Lessons in friendship, depth and love- the delicate balance of love for others AND love for myself. I offer both a deep, heartfelt apology and the biggest thanks I could offer! Maybe some other time we could give each other a buzz and a chuckle, but I’m cool, overall, and think she is very cool.

I guess I needed to release that in order to move beyond it. I’m coming to love and forgive myself again- it’s a little easier. Thank you for reading and may you be happy, healthy, safe, and at peace.

I’ve recently been studying the life and works of Louise L. Hay, founder of what is, apparently, my favorite publishing company- Hay House.  She was discovered the Church of Religious Science, which is now Religious Science international, after divorcing a husband of 14 years.  It is here that Louise found her calling.  She learned about the Science of Mind, the founding principles of Religious Science laid out by Dr. Earnest Holmes, and changed her mind and her life.

And from there, she’s changed the lives of millions.

But how do you change your mind to change your life?  Louise and many of her associates remind us all that “A belief is only a thought you keep thinking.”  I, myself, tend to think both upwards and down.  I think the worst thing some of the people in my life have had me consider is the concept of “Hope for the best, plan for the worst.”  This is COMPLETELY antithetical to Science of Mind and Law of Attraction principles and practices.

Well, maybe not completely, but it gets a really messy ball rolling.  I want to try to get out of that mindset.  Yes, I’m afraid that if I do, I could be unprepared for unpleasant circumstances- but what is that saying, really?

That’s telling me that I don’t trust myself.  That says I don’t trust the Universe to provide for and protect me.  That’s leaving me in a very fearful place- on both sides. 

If I trust the universe to guide me, provide for and protect me, I’m not doing for myself quite as much as I probably should.  But if I don’t trust the universe, I start to feel overwhelmed and isolated.

So, here’s where we start to consider the concepts of Science of Mind (SOM) and Law of Attraction (LoA.)  And here’s how I intend to apply these concepts into my life. 

I have a Hindu friend, I’ll call her Jasmine.  She had a practice of chanting a sort of affirmative prayer to herself when she was ready to start driving her car.  I consider her my spiritual sister in that we do learn a lot from each other, it’s not just me learning from her or vice-versa.  I recently remembered this practice of hers and wondered if and how I could apply it to my life- with a more LoA spin on it. 

“A belief is only a thought you keep thinking.”  Louise Hay would remind us.  And some of us are out of the habit of tracking our thoughts and beliefs, or let some negative ones run us over.  So, what I want to try to do is this.  I want to apply more affirmative prayer into my life.

This is not a new concept or a strange practice.  Many successful people take a moment before they do many of the exciting, challenging and even routine things in their day as a way to tune into themselves and the universe and find the balance of trust and support they need to proceed.  If you follow my other favorite author, James Arthur Ray, on YouTube, you may have come across an episode where he stands in the center of an empty hall before it starts to fill with his awaiting audience. 

That was another inspiration for this practice.  I want to take a moment before I get into anything, my schoolwork, talking to my parents, meeting with friends, and any situation where I could use a boost of support, confidence and guidance.

This might sound like a bit of work- taking a moment before both extraordinary and routine events in one’s day to say an affirmation, prayer or set an intention.  But I feel it would be worth trying out.  I’m considering this as a way to begin to change my mind, change my rote beliefs- which may have not been of much benefit to me, lately.

It’s affirming that I am supported, that I trust myself and that I can do what needs to be done in a given situation.  Not to mention it offers a moment of peace and clarity- something that many of us think is lacking in our days.  Just a moment to say “Yip, I’m good,” before you get into something can change the tone of the event.

Louise Hay has determined that we generally criticize and berate ourselves so much that we forget how good we can be, how wonderful we are, and how much worth we put into the situations we face.  Her purpose, and mine, is to try to help turn that around. 

We can change our minds.  That starts with what we tell ourselves.  What do we believe?  What do we want?  Do these things conflict?  I’m trying a way to better balance the scales between what I want and what I think I’m going to get.

Last night, I was on my friend Regina’s Radio show, “Regina’s Universe.”  One of her listeners joined us on the phones and talked about her dating life.  I never got a chance to really ask her- well, I asked her in the real-time chat room, but not on the air as there was a lot going on.  The way she spoke about her situation left me wondering what she expected to get out of a date.  She had set an intention of the kind of person she wanted in her life- but never what she wanted out of the date.  It sounded to me like she had set a stronger expectation of getting users and losers lining city blocks to date her than the intention of finding what she wanted and needed in her life- or at least the intention of enjoying a date and sharing a nice evening.  Her expectations for her dates weren’t discussed as much as what she, apparently, ends up getting regularly.

I wondered what might be different if she affirmed an expectation before the date.  Maybe not getting exactly what she wants right then and there, but at least enjoying her time more often.  Figuring out what good she can expect from a date and affirming those aspects.  Regina had mentioned dating “On a Quest,” as in a quest to find a mate or a baby-daddy.  And this other caller seemed to be on such a quest.  And I just wondered how it would be if she affirmed, before a date, the good she can expect from it- how things might turn around for her.  She could say: “I’m sure I will have fun on this date, learning about this other person and learning more about myself.  This is a worth-while event as we are both worth-while people.”  Something like that.

What I’m suggesting, what I’m going to try, as well, does- I believe- two things.  A bit of Time-Travel, if you will.  It brings us back to the moment we’re in as well as plants seeds of positive expectation- the operative word is positive.  Our habit, mine- at least, has gotten so negative and we just keep planning for the worst so much that we can’t conceive of anything to hope for.  So I’d like to get back to that part of the “Hope for the best, plan for the worst” concept.  I would love to take out the latter part of that ditty, but I’m taking it slow.

I intend to set more regular, positive intentions and expectation and to let you know about my progress with these.  I expect to have something interesting to share with you, soon.  Thank you!