A woman is stirring vegetables on the stove preparing for the evening’s dinner. Despite her hard work, she won’t be eating the dinner. It’s a meal she’s preparing for her live in boyfriend and his date. She will greet his new sex partner at the door and then polish her toenails while her man and his newest woman have sex in the next room. This was the latest episode of National Geographic’s controversial new show TABOO.
They call their relationship dynamic Negotiated Infidelity and the couple featured, Holly and Dino, are from Australia and feel that this is the best possible relationship for them. The basics of Negotiated Infidelity is that both partners are able to meet other people and have sexual relations with them under defined rules. Dinner is okay but cuddling and other forms of intimacy are not. They have to meet the partners and the new partners have to be aware of their unique situation and they get to negotiate the terms of the infidelity.
Holly, who has even written a book on this subject, claims that since she was cheated on by her ex that this way is much better for her. She feels she has an element of control over the situation and that her man won’t cheat behind her back. They both expressed an appreciation that at any time they understand that they could meet someone that they could possibly want to pursue further but neither seemed to worried that it could happen.
I started thinking about this and I couldn’t make any sense of it. It certainly isn’t monogamy because both partners are so willing to engage in meeting other sexual partners. It’s different from swinging because the sex acts are done behind closed doors and don’t involve the other spouse. It isn’t even polyamory because you aren’t sharing intimacy with your other partners only your spouse.
Even if it is a “new” type of relationship it seems almost impossible to do successfully. Humans may not be monogamous by nature but that is part of the beauty of committment. To find a person that is worth staying with through ups and downs or for richer or poorer, if you will. Even if we aren’t monogamous by design we are jealous beings and I find that at some point while Holly is painting her toenails listening to her man makes another woman moan she will come to terms with her definition of relationship.
You may get cheated on in your life and it may devastate you but that doesn’t mean that you have to give a license to cheat in your relationship and think it will protect you from getting hurt.
What do you think? We will be discussing this on the air on Monday, February 22nd at 10pm ET. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
A little quirky, a little fun, a little serious, and very loud! I'm the voice behind the radio broadcast and writer behind this blog. I'm always on the lookout for something new, innovative, creative, fun, or just pisses me off... GAME ON! 
Wow…where do I start??? I have had what I call an open relationship…really it was a one-sided relationship when I have hind sight now. I honestly believe people get into some relationships for all the wrong reasons and call it love, and then stay even though they are unhappy. This is only my opinion, but I believe this is why people look outside their relationships…they are unhappy either with themselves or with the whole situation. I am one of those rare people who still believe in monogamy!!! Jealousy only plays in when I feel that the partner is playing games…I like to know that my partner is attractive to others and that this makes him feel good, and pumps his self esteem…we all need that once in a while. But if he starts playing it as a game, well then watch out…cause a game is a game and someone will be hurt!!! I feel my relationship is based on love and mostly TRUST…once trust is thrown out the door, it is hard to gain back. Infidelity isn’t the only thing that breaks trust issues (FYI) I also feel that if people are seeking others for sex, that allows intimacy now matter what anyone says, to be between the 2 consenting adults…and for those that don’t think they could fall in love with someone else because you feel you are giving everything to that person, including the infidelity to happen, well, once again only my opinion, but you are allowing another entity of energy to now mix and mingle, with what I feel 2 people should be sharing and feeling estatic about, and showing/giving love. I know that when kids come into a marriage or relationship, someone feels left out, less loved, less time, etc. and it is what it is…you have to prioritize, and a couple wth kids still have to have special time for themselves too, in order for the relationship to be alive, or even stay fresh!!! I could go on n on…but I hope this sheds some light to people. Thx Regina…I don’t have cable for many reasons…mostly Spiritual, and because media n society feed our minds with mindless bullshit,etc…only my opinion. If i could call in I would, but the timezone is difficult!!!
Thanks Cecelia! You brought up so many valid points. I would love to hear more about your experience with an open relationship and how your hindsight changed your thoughts on the relationship. I don’t think that I could ever be in a relationship like the one on the show because it just seemed like a huge cop out. Not only did not they not want to trust they really didn’t want the responsibilities of a relationship. They figured they were “beating cheating” at it’s proverbial game but I didn’t see it that way at all. Nice comments. The show is on at 7pm where you are right? I would love to have your input but I can certainly read your comment on the air if you don’t mind. Thanks again!
Absolutely NO WAY JOSE!!!!! I can’t understand how a relationship could maintain any level of specialness or even a ghost of intimacy if you’re sharing that most intimate act with other people. I think lovemaking is a time when couples literally get AS CLOSE AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE to their partner, and for men who aren’t great at outward expressions of romance, it’s their best opportunity to be affectionate and to show their love privately.
Negotiated Infidelity sounds ridiculous and immature. I don’t see how this could be a successful situation that would contribute anything to a lasting relationship. There was a movie about this on IFC. The biggest illusion in this scenario is that a partner actually has control over his/her partner’s “dates”. People are going to do whatever they want when it comes right down to it. It’s my feeling that if you want to have sex with other people, you will end up dating and falling in love with other people too. If you’re happy in your relationship, you want your body to belong to your one and only love, and the idea of someone else touching you that way should make YOU feel sick, not just your partner.
All i can say is WoW
i like the idea a way to ge your freek on and not be guilty
but i know it wont last …We live in a real world ppl
Awesome. Thank you 21st century.